damn....

well i still say oooooooooooh wow....


damn......


returning to this seems like a big load of memmories.....i cant even start....


well i went to pakistan, visted my dad (i have written journals).....i have grown up. wow i feel like tearing right now...seriously...i know thats weak but this is crazy....its a trip.

well i found out my high school crush/ infatuation is married and has a kid. i am trippin', and i really dont know why. Is the world gone mad? people giving up on their dreams and themselves to 'settle' so fast, can fear really get to us that quick? its dishearting...

I am looking back at my past relationships, and it is filled with stupidity, love and naive. I am making a promise to myself..the universe will help me as long as i help myself and i wont be those people.i will make a name for myself regardless of because i am true to the task of it and pure in nature.

Wentz is in the picture but really isnt....no one is to be in fact....jewish cant stand me for all i know.....derrick is history *we are waaaay different* and i would like to leave things that way......i am at a point that is uncertain, more so i have to push myself to be aware and know more about me. i am more self centered....i know the difference now of what i need and what i want. and now indstead of 'doing what i want!' "i do what i need to do".

i dont know if i really believe in "love". Or more so i have been just sooo badly hurt that i cant fathom the idea more for protection. Maybe its a concept people made up to feel less lonely when infact people even in pairs are lonely. The reality of it all is intensly harsh and a heavy burden to carry when you can clearly see it.

Wow........well okay for now i am to go and maybe someday or sometime i will write in this again or maybe just lay it to rest.